If you live in an area where tornados are known to touch down, I believe you will benefit greatly by the following. What you need to know right now is where there is a farm nearby with chickens. Once you have determined its location, make note of it and keep that note handy; someplace that you'll remember.
When a tornado is predicted for your area, keep in mind that farm mentioned above and refer to the note if necessary. When the tornado is threatening, start making your way to the farm while you are still able to drive. Park and wait. When you see the funnel off in the distance, grab the first chicken you can get your hands on and hold onto it for dear life. Once the funnel has passed, you and the chicken should be very windblown and calling for Auntie Em, but alive and safe. It is now okay to release the poor ruffled thing.
I know this works because of all the movies I've seen about tornados. You always see houses, trees, tankers, buses, and cows in the funnel, but .... YOU NEVER SEE A CHICKEN! So there ya go! Give it a try and post the results. I'm curious to know if my theory is correct.
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